Monday, February 9, 2009

I'll Just Call This One 'Number 2'

OK, there's no genteel way to say this, and what I am about to tell you pretty much directly contradicts the "clean freak" fetishism I described the other day, but I have to vent.  So, here goes.

K. is obsessed with P-O-O-P.  And not just saying it, but, um.... trying to touch it.  

Yep, that's right.  

I should also tell you that I am the biggest fecal-phobe you ever will meet.  It took me months to be able to change K's poopy diapers without dry heaving.  And those of you long-time blog readers will laugh to remember the near nervous breakdown I had last summer when I discovered K. juggling some sort of animal feces at a rest stop on our way to the beach.  Don't even get me started telling you what happens to me when someone in my proximity has to unclog a toilet. 

So anyway, I am probably being paid back for being overly sensitive to All Things B.M.

Anyway, I can't pinpoint it, but I believe K's obsession stems from a book we took out at the library recently, called Doggone Dogs.  It's a charming book, really - perhaps a little "old" for K. (there's a lot of humor that parents will appreciate more) but he really took to the pictures of these 10 dogs and their crazy capers in the local dog park.  The climax of the story (at least for us) comes when all 10 dogs decide to relieve themselves on the lawn at the park.  The verbiage is very clever: "Call the troops, we need 10 scoops, to clean up all these doggone poops!"

Well, perhaps I enjoyed reading those lines a little too much, or with too much energy, because K. has nearly memorized them himself.  And when it comes to diaper changing time, he sings them on cue.  

You're probably thinking, "That's a little gross, but hey, it's also very cute!" No? Well, sure, except that now, he's personalized it to the point in which "The Dogs" have become a strange sort of alter-ego.  To wit: lately, when I change a "#2 diaper," he immediately swings his hand around "back there" and tries to touch "down there", all the while announcing, "DOGS TOUCH POOP!"  To which I of course say "NO NO NO!  WE DON'T TOUCH POOP."  To which he retorts, "DOOOOOOGS TOUCH POOP!" (as in, "You didn't hear me, Mom.  I'm talking about the dogs, NOT myself, even though the person who happens to be reaching around to touch his own stool is, in fact, me.")

This also extends to other situations in which K. knows he should not be involved.  Some of my favorites:

"Dogs throw food on floor!"

"Dogs boom head!" ('boom' = hit my own head on some sort of hard surface repeatedly)

"Dogs hit [our cat]!"

"Dogs splash water!"

And so on and so forth.  It reminds me of that old Family Circus cartoon where the kids came up with "Not Me," the little Pillsbury Dough Boy-looking creature who always took the blame for any household missteps.

I'll admit that the "dogs"/alterego thing is sort of intriguing from a psychology perspective, but I just wish it didn't have to center upon my child's bowel movements.  Because despite his using it in all of the above scenarios, the one he comes back to again and again is the peculiar announcement, "Dogs touch poop!" with the accompanying hand gestures. 

All I can hope is that this, too, shall pass.  Anyone out there have similar horror stories? 



CDB said...

Wow, this is hilarious..and mystifying, as you say. On the heels of the 'clean freak' post, very entertaining!

We aren't totally obsessed with "All Things BM" yet, C. just says he made a "Whoa" when he goes #2. I'll explain that in a future post.

Shannon said...

Too funny. At least you don't have a dog. Our dogs continually poop in our basement when the weather is bad and now my kids are used to seeing poop on the floor and pretty much ignore it. What a great idea!! Maybe you should get a dog.

Or you could wait until you have another child and the older child yells "Nathan, do you want to see my poop". He comes running to the bathroom and they all check out her poop.

MONA said...

Oh, no. I can't even think what I'll have to look forward to when M. sees our dog eat poop. Doesn't happen every day ... haven't (thank God) seen it for a while ... but I can imagine that it would make quite an impression. Hilarious posting, BTW.

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